One Angry Elephant

An explanation... I have little to no musical talent, so when I come up with an amazing band name, which happens quite often, I have no use for it. And yet, I am too selfish to share the ideas with my many musical friends. Sure, I imagine myself suddenly discovering a talent, like Phoebe in Friends who develops sexy phlegm, but I have spent years singing through colds and in the shower and in my car, and the record contracts have not been forthcoming. So today I stake my claim on one such band name, Topsy's Revenge, and make it my blog.

The story of Topsy and her revenge from beyond the grave begins in 1901, when Topsy the elephant, resident of Coney Island, trampled her first trainer... and the story continues in 1902, when she trampled her second trainer... and continues still in 1903 when she trampled her third and final trainer and the fair that employed her decided to let her go. As a tee-shirt slogan wearing team Topsy member, I will point out that very shortly before stomping his third trainer to death, Topsy was fed a lit cigarette.

I also imagine that the trampling of this third douchey trainer was either: A) an accident, akin to being stung by an bee and freaking out and accidentally stomping on a tiny dog, or B) revenge for the third in a long line of personal trainers who pushed him too far. Either way, I shed no tears for this trainer (who history has forgotten the name of while remembering his animal companion) and I have developed an odd affection and sympathy for circus elephants.

So after trainer #3 bites the bullet, Topsy gets a death sentence. But just like the geniuses in Florence, Oregon in 1970 who didn't know how to dispose of a dead whale, the geniuses at Coney Island couldn't decide how to dispose of Topsy. Hanging was considered, but the scaffolding proved too confounding to construct, so other means had to be devised. Oddly enough, nowhere in the numerous articles I've read on the subject of Topsy has there been any mention of Topsy perhaps meeting his end in front of a firing squad, an idea that has occurred to almost every ivory hunter in the history of history, but not to any employees of the fair.

The plot thickens, however, when my favorite inventor/villain enters the picture. Thomas Edison, on the two-birds-one-stone mission of pedaling his new fandangled direct current electricity and defaming his rival Nikola Tesla's alternating current (TEAM NIKOLA!!!!), suggests electrocution.

Of an elephant.

In front of an audience.

Duh.

But what better way to spread fear of a superior product (AC vs. DC) than to film the execution of a 4.6 ton animal via your competitor's product? So Topsy was electrocuted on January 4, 1903 and the whole event was captured by Edison Manufacturing Company and distributed in a theatre near you.

But Topsy, though dead, did not lose her strength. In fact, a year later she flexed her muscle one last time when she burnt Coney Island down, an event that has been referred to ever since as Topsy's Revenge.

So while naming a blog after such an event may have somewhat grim connotations, there's a The Burning Bed/Carrie aspect to this story that I love.